The Up Side to a Commercialized Christmas

I am so excited about Christmas approaching.  I know I have mentioned before that Christmas time was magical during my childhood years.  Even now as an adult my parents love to spoil us with more gifts than what they should.  The gifts are nice and very much appreciated but my parents taught me so much more than just about gifts around the holidays. 

Right off the bat, I am going to take a stand and say I do not celebrate the religious aspect of the holiday.  For many reasons.  I am not religious and do not pretend to be for the holidays.  Not to mention if you really research the history of Christmas (and not use the Bible in your bibliography) you will find it truly has very little religious roots unless you are Pagan. 

I am the girl who is out shopping Black Friday for the best deals.  Who starts playing Christmas music in October.  Who makes lists and checks them twice....or two hundred times.  I make sure that my kids see all the classics (Rudolph, Peanuts, Garfield Christmas, etc) and we make a big deal out of decorating the tree.  We drive around looking at lights and go to see Santa.  I try as hard as possible to make this a magical time of year.  Because every childhood deserves some magic.

What gets me is when people question my values.  Make comments about celebrating Christmas even though I am not Christian.  Make comments about how much I buy or spend.  About how it should be less about the gifts.  First of all if you are religious, I respect that.  If you believe you are celebrating the birth of baby Jesus, I support that.  If you choose to not spend lots of money on material gifts, I give you props.  As long as you don't try to tell me I am wrong.  If you have mutual respect, so do I. 

There is so much cruelty out in the world.  I just read a story about a little girl whose father and stepmother went to prison for keeping her chained to a dresser and now a year later, in her mother's custody she was just found dead.  She was 6.  SIX.  Her life was filled with horror and hell.  There are children sleeping in cars and sometimes even the streets.  There are children forced into sex traficking and there are children who suffer unimaginable abuse.  So please don't ever try to question my decision to bend over backwards to make this a special time for my kids. 

Christmas to me is about celebrating family and friends.  Teaching about giving and charity.  It is about celebrating winter and the end of another year of life together.  It is about appreciating this moment in time and making it bright and jolly and joyful.  There is nothing commercialized about that. 

I find nothing wrong in letting my children believe in Santa, a true symbol of childhood and believing.  I would get so excited waiting for Santa to come, I couldn't sleep.  One time I was so sleep deprived that I got sick and had to be hospitalized.  Out of sheer excitement.  My sister and I would "practice" how we were to get up Christmas morning.  We would rip out of our beds at 4am and just gaze in amazement of that tree, sparkling with lights and ornaments as it towered over piles of gifts for us.  I know my parents had to have some financial hardships raising us, but you never knew it on Christmas Day.  I remember Christmas Eve going down to play with all my cousins at my grandmothers and stuff ourselves on snack foods.  Baking Christmas cookies with our Mom.  Driving around to look at all the Christmas lights and on the way home from Grandma's watching the sky under our Dad's guidance for a sleigh and 8 tiny reindeer. 

Now, my children sleep til 7am and usually it's me pouncing on them at that point to wake them up.  We gather round the tree and someone passes out gifts.  I could care less about opening mine because my favorite part of Christmas is watching them open their gifts, squeal with excitement and for just maybe a moment not feel one ounce of worry or any other emotion other than joy.  I am beyond fortunate to be able to do what I do for my family and no one should be made to feel bad for about how they decide to celebrate the holidays, or for what reason they do so. 

I love it all.  The decorations.  The carols and music.  The get togethers.  The glow of lights through a velvet black night.  Wrapping paper and bows.  Trees and garland.  Polar Express and Rudolph.  Hot cocoa and sugar cookies.  Santa and his elves.  Stockings hung with care.  Family and friends.  Sales and lists.  I love it all.  Maybe I enjoy the sheer commercialism of it all.  But there was a reason that people read Charles Dickens' A Christmas Story and wanted to reenact the Christmas get togethers depicted in the story.  Because in a world that can be very cruel, it's nice to have one day a year to focus on love, joy and giving. 

So yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus in our home.  And there is a Christmas without religion.  And there is hope, happiness, laughter and sooo much love.  There is magic and there is belief.  There is childhood.  You'd be hard pressed to find someone who has as much Christmas spirit as me.  I know you know what is the right way to raise your children.  So do I.  So don't ever question my beliefs, traiditions or methods to raising my babies.  Because someone will get run over by a reindeer.

The Pinterest that Stole Christmas

I always knew there had to be an alterior motive to Pinterest.  It was one of those too good to be true things.  I mean sometimes I have to set my Kindle down to catch my breath from hyperventilating from the mind blowing ideas I see on there.  Nothing that good is without it's evils.  Tonight I realized it must be administered by the one and only Grinch. 

Stocking stuffers for the older girls used to be a breeze.  Bobby pins, hair ties, socks, lotions and potions and sugar and spice.  Well every since I applied a magnet (with adhesive, can find a 3 pack at Jo-Ann Fabrics or Michael's)  inside my medicine cabinet we have not lost bobby pins.  They are nice and organized, magnetized right within easy reach when doing hair.  I also have a magnet on the wall in Paige's room right next to her full length mirror.  I bought hair ties that come with a metal ring, similar to a key ring to store hair ties on.  Organized....never lost.  We have missing socks boards to help when putting away laundry and located singles that get seperated in the laundy.  What am I to put in their stockings now?!  The Grinch aka Pinterest has stolen my go-to items! 

Cindy Lou-Who shall fear not for there is still on the wish list.  I have checked off quite a bit of projects...PVC pipe shoe racks to keep pairs together and easily accessed.  Cereal boxes cut into organizers to neaten our junk drawer.  Old shutters sitting in the garage were pulled out, washed off, spray painted and hung as ceiling tiles in the enclosed porch.  A piece of spray painted (I love you Krylon) wood and some glued on clothes pins to make a masterpieces display for artwork created by my little one.  My house has literally been Pinterestisized.  I should have taken house before Pinterest and after Pinterest pictures.  I went from loathing this old farmhouse to loving it.  I would see gorgeous mansions and in the same moment of being in awe I would think ughh...I would never be able to keep up with cleaning that monster.  It's hard enough to keep this two floor, four bedroom house clean and organized on my own.  Pinterest was literally my bff in helping me make a house into a home. 

One room I was never fond of was the kitchen.  It was okay, done in a grape theme that at one time was very stylish but now is an outdated look.  The worst aspect of the kitchen was the carpet.  I HATE carpet in the kitchen.  There are two rooms that you never ever have carpet in.  The kitchen and the bathroom.  Even worse, the carpet was a dark green so every little bit of dirt or food would be like a neon light.  Every spill would be a stain.  Cupboards were a nice solid wood set, but outdated.  One day I just snapped.  Decided to start with a backsplash.  I grabbed the car keys and drove off to my FantasyLand aka Lowe's. 

$100 later and I had a tiled backsplash.  I also had the start to a several long month fire that burned in me to motivate and complete (yet thrifty) revamping of our home.  Living room I painted opposite walls a deep Ox Blood red (yes really the name of the paint) that I got off the clearance rack at a local Ace Hardware.  I left the other two walls a beige.  I spray painted an old wicker stand black and used it for DVD's.  I took an old dresser in storage, took drawers and braces out, spray painted it black and use it for blanket storage.  I spray painted all my picture frames black and put a new rug in the living room and LOVE the results. 

I took an old and FREE entertainment stand that I saw by the side of the road and made a kitchen play set for my daughter.  Lesson learned from this was to measure the staircase prior to doing a project meant to go in an upstairs bedroom, but this issue was fixed by borrowing a Load-All and some man power.  Easy peasy!

I revamped both girls rooms with some paint, decals and new bedding.  In my oldest daughter's room she had a corkboard that I covered with some fabric to update the look.  Decals and paint in my staircase.  Paint and painter's tape to create an abstract designed wall.  Fabric and some plywood to create wall hangings.  Decals and a new shower curtain in the bathroom.  Finally I had run out of projects to do except finish the kitchen that had sat with a new brown and white tiled backsplash with green and purple walls.  I did a faux finish with two tones of brown on the wall.  I took apart the cupboards and steel wooled years of built up grime off the wood.  Instead of buying all new hinges and cabinet handles I cleaned them up by soaking in vinegar for a few hours, scrubbing with some dish soap (the grime comes right off after the vinegar soak) and then, of course, spray painting the handles, hinges and screws.  Voila, new updated cabinet hardware!  I was going to leave the cupboards but the plain wood really bugged me and clashed with the new colors.  I started by painting the upper cabinets white.  My husband asked me to leave the bottom cupboards the wood colored.  I didn't like the thought but reluctantly agreed.

Until this weekend that is.

My husband always goes to the Southern Tier opening hunting season weekend and camps for the whole weekend.  This used to bother me in our newlywed stage but now does not phase me at all.  Honeymoon phase is over.  However, my five year old was an emotional mess over Daddy leaving for the weekend.  She clung to him and her older brother, begging and pleading for them not to leave.  She was petrified they would never come back or in the course of a weekend, forget that she existed.  Thursday night he hugged her tight and promised to wait until she got back from school to leave.  Guess who broke his promise?  I was irritated that he wasn't keeping his word to her but didn't put up too much of a fight, especially after he said he would call her right around the time she got off the bus.  That time came and went, no phone call.  That phone call never came that night at all.  I had to break the news he left already and she was hysterical.  Furious does not even come close to how I felt.  No excuse for not keeping his word to her.

So I let that emotion simmer over night, of course after a quite pleasant text message to him.  The next day it hit me.  Perfect timing to go against my word and paint the cupboards.  And that is exactly what I did.  Not white, like the upper cupboards but I used the deeper of the two brown tones on the lower cupboards.  It is gorgeous.  I am so pleased.  With the outcome and of course the decision of retribution.  Oh you forgot to call your daughter?  I forgot I told you I wouldn't paint the lower cupboards!  Whoops!

Female praying mantis' kill the male after mating.  Well played, bitches, well played.  Looks like I know what animal I want to come back as in my next life!

So he came home, took one look at the cupboards, said, "Disgusting" and that was that.  Ugh, disappointing reaction.  I am not sure what I expected though.  He was well aware of what he was getting when he married me.  An alpha male would not be able to handle the woman I am. 

So now hopefully Santa will drop some wooden laminate flooring down our chimney or at least a Lowe's gift card.  I am willing to exchange extra cookies and milk for this gift.  I can find some mind blowing cookie recipes right on Pinterest. 

In 2013 I plan on doing our extra bedroom over that my stepkids sleep in when they come over as well as our office/gym area and our bedroom.  So for now, sugar plums can dance in my head as I dream of those finished projects.  I am a bit fearful of what will happen when all my projects are complete.  I think I have already proved my idle hands are the Devil's workshop.  All the Who's in Whoville should fear that day....

Knock, knock

A knock on the door can only mean one of four situations:

1.  Expected company has arrived.  This is the rarest type of knock.  This means you have been lingering in the room near the door awaiting the sound of the knock.  You will open the door and the smell of freshly baked goods will surround the guests as you welcome them into your clean as can be home.  Despite spending hours slaving over cleaning the house, screaming at the kids as they attempt to mess up your masterpiece of a home, you toss your perfectly styled hair over your shoulder, smile, bat your eyes and ask your guests to excuse the mess in your home, knowing damn well that it's not a mess at all...it's in the rare form of clean.  Your makeup is complete, your socks match and you are wearing a bra. 

2.  Unexpected company has arrived.  This is the most common type of knock.  This knock guarantees that you have no bra on, your home is in conditions that the health department would condemn it, you child is naked and instantly sprints to greet the person at the door.  Another good way to guarantee this kind of knock is if you are running late to someplace and trying to get out the door.  How does one nicely say, "Get the hell out."?  This is also the time the dog is most likely to drag a used tampon out of the trash and into the living area. 

3.  Unexpected strangers have arrived.  Jehovah Witnesses, Sales People and people you don't know looking for your spouse all fall under this category.  All of the conditions for Unexpected Known company except for you have a slightly higher chance of also being pantless in this situation.  Naked child running to the front door also is more likely to occur.  You will be completely ticked that they made you peel yourself off the couch and wrap your blanket around your nearly naked waist to see what they want.  99% of the time that I peer out the window and don't recognize the vehicle I don't bother getting off the couch...I just hiss at the kids to stay low and wait for the knocking to stop. 

4.  Friends and Family who you are comfortable with stop by.  At which time you don't care what the house looks like or if anyone is dressed at that point.  Bras are optional. 

If you ever want to prevent #2 and #3 just clean your house.  Be fully dressed.  Do your makeup and hair.  It is 100% effective at hindering any unexpected company. 

I definitely remember as a kid seeing a vehicle pull in the driveway and mass chaos breaking out.  You had like 5 minutes and 14 seconds to get the house presentable.  Mom took the dirty dishes and threw them into the oven, dishwasher, bathtub, whatever was necessary.  Dad took to picking up dirty laundry strewn about paying special attention to bras and underwear.  I took toy duty, sprinting throughout main rooms and picking up stray toys and chucking them into back bedrooms.  My sister had door shutting duty, closing all doors of rooms that company would least likely enter.  My brother had to dress his naked self.  The dog chewed on a used tampon.  Sometimes we would practice unexpected company drills and time ourselves to make sure we were on point.  Now I look back and realize that Mom was just getting us to clean up a bit.  Definitely helped strengthen our family bond.  I know it scarred me to a point that I hate being unexpected company.  Unless I know the person and fall under a Category 4.  My whole point is give me a days notice before dropping in.  Otherwise you are walking into a war zone.  This blogging, penny pinching, couponing, exercising, cooking, Pinteresting Mama/Wife does not have daily time to dedicate to housework.  And afte the passing of a wonderful friend who preferred to live life over cleaning house and I bet she doesn't spend a second in the afterlife regretting that I don't second guess myself much anymore either. 

On another note, I received a coupon in the mail today.  $50 off a $100 purchase.  Wow, that would get a huge chunk of my Christmas shopping done at 50% discounts!  Thennn I read the fine print.  Excludes Bonus Buys, Door Busters, electronics/Tech Trek, fine jewelry, fine and fashion watches, fragrance & cosmetics, cause-related merchandise and other charitable items, furniture departments and mattresses, clearance center merchandise, gift cards, Incredible Values, salon products, service departments, special orders, Yellow Dot merchandise, small electrics, health & wellness, toys, food, coffee, candy, Brahmin, Coach, Columbia, Frye, Levi's, Michael Kors, Not Your Daughter's Jeans, Tempur-Pedic, and regular price items from Dooney & Bourke, Dansko, Ecco, Birkenstock, Merrell, Designer Shoe Salon, Lucky Brand, Polo, Lauren Ralph Lauren and Wacoal. 

Okay, okay...wouldn't it just be easier to tell me the three items that it can be used on?  Seriously, I can't stand a bunch of stipulations in coupons.  Or free shipping deals where you have to spend at least $100.00 to get the free shipping.  I always end up finding $94.55 worth of merchandise.  That's not a deal, that should be a given if people spend that much at your store.  Especially not taking on my second job, this year I am looking to be as savvy as possible with Christmas.  There are some deals that really aren't deals. 

I try not to let those minor shopping irritations get to me.  I know that in just a matter of time there will always something great knocking at my door ; )

The Gift You Can't Buy

Picture it.  We just got done at an hour long session of Kicks for Kids (a soccer program) at the local YMCA.  We are hungry, tired.  We stop at Burger King for something quick.  Madison spills her BBQ sauce, starts screaming at the top of her lungs, moaning that we might as well just throw her dinner out the window for God's sake (those were her EXACT words).  We have to giggle, which only infuriates this overtired 5-year-old even more.  It is mass chaos all confined in a Mitsubishi Lancer.  Ironically enough, it is this very family that I had decided was more important and precious to me than working a seasonal job.

For the past several years I have worked during the Christmas season in order to make extra spending cash for the holidays.  It meant 16 hours days sometimes and many nights away from home, but Christmas morning the tree was always surrounded in mounds of gifts.  It was always what I had grown up with...my Dad worked 80 hour weeks and we were spoiled rotten every Christmas.  Christmases are some of my fondest childhood memories.  My parents bent over backwards to make it the most wonderful time of the year. 

My dad now has cancer, a cancer that we suspect is a result of the exposure to chemicals in his workplace over twenty some years.  He now looks back in regrets to working all that time for material things.  Yet here I am repeating the same mistake year after year. 

I loved my seasonal job last year.  It was at the mall, with all the hustle and bustle of holiday shopping.  Christmas music playing in the background, awesome co-workers, simple work.  I actually got excited when I got my paperwork in the mail and it was part of my holiday excitement. 

I don't know what happened today but I had a mini panic attack over starting a second job.  Maybe it's the fact that I always feel tired.  Or the fact that my house looks like a tornado blew threw it.  Or the fact that my kids are growing up before my very eyes and time with them is priceless.  If I have learned anything over the past year it's that life is fragile and fleeting.  You never know when you will lose someone you love or even when your last breath will be.  No one should live as if tomorrow is guaranteed.  I am not suggesting we quit our jobs to pursue our buckets lists, but I am saying make enough to pay your bills and live life with clothes on your back but other than that ENJOY LIFE. 

I talked to a few close people to get their perspective on it all.  Of course, I cried after getting off the phone with my dad.  In retrospect, I would give up all the material things to have spent more time appreciating moments together.  I really just needed him to cement those emotions for me and reinforce the decision my heart had already made. 

So I sat down tonight, made my lists and checked it twice.  I budgeted everything out and I can do this.  I cut back on a few material things.  I will be clipping coupons and sale shopping everything but I am going to bake cookies, drive around to look at lights, go for a ride on the Polar Express, watch every single Christmas show on TV and just soak up every moment of the holidays with my family.  Maybe there won't be flowing heaps under the tree, but there will be gifts for everyone and there will be love and laughter and memories. 

Last but not least, I need to stop biting off more than I can chew.  I work full time, I am raising two girls, I have a husband, a home and a body that requires exercise and rest.  I am making myself a priorty again.  That is a gift that you just can not buy!

The Answer to Achieving World Peace

Men are the more fortunate sex.  Anyone who disagrees is sure to have a penis.  Men are clueless when it comes to what it's like to be a woman.  The do not have uteruses that collapse once a month and their bodies are never Human cannons that propel out balls of babies.  Argument won.

Just for this blog's sake, I want to dive deeper into what it's like to be a woman.  Let's start with hygiene.  Men, you complain about when we hibernate from the razor for the winter.  We deal with your body hair 24/7, 365 days a year.  How is that any different?  And please, do release your secret about how it never bothers you to have your leg hair rub against your pants or catch on the bedsheets.  That IS the only reason we cave and shave.  Or maybe for just five more minutes of peace and quiet in the shower. 

While we are on the subject of the shower, FYI:  it is the only time that we are truly "alone".  It's why there are locks on bathroom doors.  We honestly are crying on the inside when you "slip" inside the shower with us.  Sex in the shower is just not fun as a woman.  It's slippery, someone is going to break an arm, the water is pouring in our faces and we are slowly drowning, emotionally and physically.  I have a close friend who I was once complaining about this with and she pointed out that unless you have a HUGE walk in shower, sex in the shower is just not practical.  Her husband (a bigger guy) and her were showering together while she was pregnant.  They tried to switch spots so he could be under the shower head to rinse off.  Mid-switch he lost his balance, flipped backwards out of the shower, taking the shower curtain with him, slid across the floor and finally came to a stop when his head hit the wall, legs up in the air with everything just on display.  She could not stop laughing to ask if he was okay.  Either could I as she told me about it. 

The only bad thing about a long shower is wondering what we will find when we finally emerge.  Especially if football is on, we know you are not paying attention to the kids.  It takes two to make a baby, but in most homes I know of it's a 70-30 parenting balance.  I should not have to "check with you" on if you are available to "babysit" your own kids when I have something I want/need to do unless you do the same with me.  Hunting season is not an automatic hall pass to get out of ever being home with the kids.  I do continue having a life mid-October to mid-December, believe it or not.  Also going to buy groceries for the family does not fall under the category of retail therapy or count towards "me" time.  And if the kids are tagging along, shopping is not fun in any way or form.

Granted that if I ask my husband to make dinner, help out with bedtime or run the kids somewhere he is generally pretty good about it.  However, I should not have to ask!  No one asks me to make dinner, to do laundry, to clean the house.  I just do it.   Just because we are woman does not mean that it is our duty to make dinner, do dishes, vacuum and put the kids to bed after bath time.  And by all means if we take ten minutes to sit braless in our pjs in the recliner with uncombed hair, unbrushed teeth and no makeup do not tell us that you think we are letting ourselves "go".  My husband would personally never survive after uttering these words but I was just told of this BEAUTIFUL supermom whose husband said this to her and I just about died. 

My husband does have the smarts to not utter words such as those to me, but however when it comes to our money he can be infuriating.  He wants no part in the managing of the budget, the paying of the bills but if he comes and asks for something and I tell him the money isn't there right then and there he wants to know where all our money goes.  Apparently the cable TV, the wifi, the food and the lights must all be free.  The car and truck in our driveway?  Free.  Taxes?  Exempt.  Don't let my two inch long dark roots, bra hanging on by only one hook and basic cell phone that ghosts texts people fool you.  I take ALLLLL our money and blow it on me.  I apologize, I will go grab you your dinner, a beer, turn on football for you and take the kids somewhere so you can have peace and quiet to make it all better. 

There is a push for women to be thin, perky, beautiful, sexy 24/7.  Society turns their head for a man with a gut.  There is a push for a woman to learn to juggle work, keeping the house clean, raising the kids.  A man is viewed as weak if he helps out with his equal share.  A headstrong man is viewed as macho and powerful, while a headstrong woman is a bitch.  It is far more acceptable for a man to be promiscious than a woman. 

Shortly after I had my c-section with my last daughter, my husband and I were out in public with her.  She was in her carrier and since I could not carry more than 5 lbs he carried her.  An older man came up to him and right in front of me said that it's the woman's job to be carrying around the baby, not the man.  True story.  In the balance of nature, I believe that it was a necessity to make man part of reproducing.  Otherwise, women would probably kill them all off.  Only then would there be world peace. 

**No men were injured in the production of this blog.  However a woman did manage to write and publish this blog while making dinner, feeding the children, cleaning the kitchen and starting a load of laundry.  Don't worry- the men folk are in the woods hunting!**

 

Mama's Leftover Ham Soup

One of the biggest complaints I hear from SuperMoms is coming up with new affordable and easy dinner ideas.  I grew up eating a soup so simple to throw together and a thrifty meal too!  Now I serve it to my kids and they are always asking this Mama for seconds and thirds!  So I thought I'd share!

I love buying a good ham.  Every smart shopper loves a buy that will give her two to three meals!  There are so many ideas of what to do with leftover ham.  Scalloped ham & potatoes, sweet n sour ham over rice, ham & eggs....and Mama's Leftover Ham Soup!  Great for chilly fall & winter evenings and maybe even lunch the next day!

Take two family sized cans of Cream of Mushroom soup.  I usually add one can of milk and one can of water, but you can adjust this for a thicker or thinner soup.  I chop up the leftover ham, add any leftover veggies (if none a bag of frozen green beans or corn will do) and any leftover potatoes and heat until warm!  Serve with some bread for sopping up the very last bit of this super simple but amazingly delicious soup! 

Just so you know- I HATE mushrooms but I can not get enough of this soup!  Onion lovers, add sliced onions to the soup or top with French's Fried Onions.  Yummmmmy!   I truly find I don't need any additional seasonings needed!

Fill Me Up Scotty!

So I got my Lap Band adjusted, which means they inject my port (under the skin of my stomach) with saline and it tightens my band, making it more difficult to eat large portions of food.  Of course I still can consume the wrong kinds of food, so this is not a magical weight loss answer, but more of a tool to help me not overeat.  The downside of this is for the first 48 hours after a fill, I can only consume liquids.  For the 3rd and 4th day after, only soft foods. 

I am MISERABLE right now with hunger.  I have been watching Vampire Diaries and I understand that insatiable hunger they keep talking about.  I feel like I have empathy for vampires now.  I should definitely be allowed in their inner circle...score since most vampires are majorly hot.  On TV at least.  I can see it now.  Hottie McHottie Vampire in one corner sucking on a neck while I am crouched down in the opposite corner, hovering over a giant freakin cookie that I have been sinking my teeth into, smears of chocolate all over my face.  I.  Just.  Can't.  Control.  Myself. 

Luckily the fear of ripping my stomach open scares me into following doctor's orders for the most part.  I admit I am supposed to wait til Day 3 or 4 to eat cottage cheese but I needed some protein.  I was feeling dizzy and shaky.  Food withdrawals I suppose.  But I must it up with my tongue until liquidy before I swallow it. 

During these times looking through cookbooks is the equivalent of a perv looking at porn.  I drool, fantasize and long for whatever dish is so glamorously displayed on a simple white plate.  Oh you bad, bad teriyaki chicken breast.  Don't make me gobble you right up. 

Today I drove down to McD's for a pumpkin milkshake.  Normally something I try to avoid the temptation of as I am well aware of the calories in one of these bad boys, but without any solids in my systems the thickness of a shake calms the screaming beast in my belly.  For a bit anyways.  McDonalds for the most part disgusts me.  I will eat their salads every once in a great while and their shakes and McFlurries are pretty tasty but that's about all I like there.  I can't get past knowing what the chicken nuggets look like before they are nuggets.  I can't get past the pink slime in the burgers.  Fast food is pretty much the equivalent of self ingestion of poison.  Except Taco Bell.  100% healthy.  Don't dare to inform me of otherwise.  Especially at this point of my four days of malnourishment.  Anyways I am in drive thru line and I see this poster of the new CBO burger.  Cheddar, Bacon & Onion.  What would normally turn my stomach at the thought of actually made my taste buds perk up.  My mind was screaming oh hell no while waving a finger in the air while my tongue was knocking that voice out and my belly was crying for a CBO pink slime burger.  Eaaaatttt ittt.  Ittt'sss sooo yummmyyy.  I'mmm sooo looonnnellly anddd empttyyy downn hereeeee....FEEDDDD MEEEEE. 

Luckily for me LapBand Man came to the rescue and reminded me no solids for four days.  And once I am able to eat oatmeal, eggs, salads, meats and veggies I will be fine with that.  Maybe I should then start trying to wean myself off of the sugar....but that is whole other blog with tales of it's own demons.  For now, I sit here sipping on my delicious Starbucks Salted Caramel Hot Cocoa, counting the hours down until I can return to a normal diet.  I can't believe I did this for five weeks around my surgery.

On another topic regarding the Lap Band what the hell was I thinking getting a surgery which requires frequent injections?  I am the girl who won't get a tattoo because she fears the needle.  Who hasn't had a tetanus shot in probably 20 years because the thought of a needle makes her woozy.  Even worse is where my port implanted on my stomach muscle makes it difficult to locate with a needle.  So they have to poke around with the needle to find the spot and yesterday it was about 20 pokes before the doctor connected.  I was so sore last night!  I am pretty sure this is a form of modern medevil like torture.  The only reason I agreed to voluntarily undergo this torture was due to the years of hitting the McDonald's drive thru....I blame the pink slime that has built up in my body over the years.  I definitely think this is a legit lawsuit.....