One Mama's Opinion on Common Core

**Disclaimer:  I am not a teacher.  I am a parent of two school aged children.  Every splendid word you are about to read is my opinion based on what I have read and seen in regards to Common Core.  I encourage anyone who is unsure of what Common Core entails to research the topic and form your own opinion from what your research finds.**

Common Core.  Sigh.  A term that we hear quite often, but yet I don't know if anyone fully understands what it really means.  I really think that there isn't any aspect of it that is easy to understand.  As a parent this is frustrating- I can't even imagine being a child trying to learn with the Common Core standards.  Especially if you have any learning difficulties.

Apparently "someone" thought the American education system was failing.  I am not sure who "they" are that make these decisions.  So in effort to become globally competitive and make sure all children got the same education country wide, no matter what state they live in "they" came up with Common Core.  Fabulous, except for as a parent, I don't care about how my daughters match up globally.  And honestly just because a kid in Alabama doesn't learn the Dewey Decimal system, but a kid in New Jersey does, I really don't think the Jersey kid has an advantage.  I care that my children get a decent foundation of education.  I care that they are happy and have a carefree childhood because sooner rather than later, they will be burden with the worries of adulthood.  I care that they be able to read, to write, to do addition, to subtract.  I care that they get to enjoy recess, to enjoy art and music. 

There is also the slight issue that Common Core is attempting to teach a broad range of children with a one-size-fits-all attitude.  Which is why our initial classic education system is deemed as failing.  Think about a career.  Say a doctor.  Not every person is cut out to be a doctor.  Not every person would thrive in that position.  Not every person would be capable of the level of education that is required for a medical degree.  So there are specific college courses that cater specifically to this career.  Someone who was pursuing an engineering degree would not take these courses.  Why do we allow adults the freedom to pursue which classes best suit them but not children? 

My oldest daughter is bubbly, funny and social.  As a parent, I really have to stay on top of her about homework and putting forth effort.  When she does put the effort forth, she does well at general level classes.  I really look forward to when she is a junior and a senior as she will be able to take a course at the local vocational school.  I think she will love the hands on learning approach rather than sitting in a classroom seven hours a day.  She is expected to earn a Regents Diploma, which terrifies me.  I think she would easily earn a Non-Regents Diploma, but that is no longer an option.  The very thought makes me want to cry for her.  She is smart and I have no doubt that she will be able to succeed in life without ever taking Chemistry or Physics.  We no longer have the choice to opt out of the lab sciences (update:  I have been told that Living Sciences is the only lab they must take, but they do require 3 credits for Sciences). 

That being said, she will graduate after struggling for a year to do her Chemistry homework but she will not be taught in school to balance a checkbook, to file income taxes, how to participate in a job interview, how to grow her own food, how to change a car's oil, how to create and stick to a household budget, CPR and other skills that are essential in life.  She, and many others, will graduate never have been taught any of these basics.  Thank the Heavens above she will have studied the Periodic Table though.  That is certainly going to help if anyone ever stops breathing in her presence.  Luckily I can teach her a majority of those skills, other children will not be so fortunate. 

As shocking as the concept may be, I don't work full time by choice.  It comes from need.  Otherwise, I think by this point both my girls would be home schooled at least until they voiced a desire to go to public school.  Please let it be known my teenager has actually asked me to please home school her.  I froth at the mouth with envy over my friends who have made that decision.  I have a new friend who is fascinating to me.  She lives on the road with her family, traveling state to state in their RV following her husband's work requirements.  Not only do they save on housing costs, can you imagine the experiences her children are getting?  The different cultures and landscapes they get to see- it is just amazing.  Nothing that a classroom would ever be able to provide.  (Sliding in a shout out to her blog The Boho Hobos- check it out!)

Another homeschooling Mama that I adore just recently hatched chicks from eggs that her daughters helped incubate and prepare for hatching.   Her one daughter sewed a doll for her other daughter as a Christmas gift.  It was better than I could have ever done! 

We are not all meant to be diplomats, inventors, engineers or doctors.  Some of us lead ordinary lives and go the rest of our lives without ever having to use the FOIL method again.  I think schools should use elementary to set a very basic foundation and then allow students to pursue different classes in high school.  Interested in the medical field?  Great, here are the Biology courses you can choose from.  Interested in Accounting?  Great, here are the Math classes you will need.  Cosmetology?  Sign here for technical school. 

I really don't think the Federal Government needs to be putting their two cents in on the topic of education.  I find it very ironic that they show so much concern over school attacks (shootings/ stabbings) but what do they do the minute someone upsets them?  They wage war, chock full of violence.  It is well known that bullying is a major problem in public schools, but when was the last time you saw an election that didn't include smear campaigns?  Bullying at it's finest.  They line their pockets while cutting funding to the schools, increasing classroom size and decreasing the amount of one on one attention each child will receive.  They will send millions to other countries but ignore the American family living in the streets.  No, I don't think the Feds are in a position to make any decisions regarding the children of this country.  Not until they shed their hypocritical skins and lead by example. 

And don't just blame Obama, Bush lit this fire with No Child Left Behind which started the push on standardized testing.  Common Core has just changed the testing involved.  Mr. President, no matter what kind of testing, curriculum or policy you roll out as long as you have children with empty bellies, bruises from last night's abuse on their body or learning disabilities courtesy of all the chemicals you allow to be pumped into Americans in order to feed your greed, nothing will change academically.  You will still place behind China and Japan.  Don't worry though, if that truly upsets you, you can just go ahead and wage war on them. 

  

Year of the Sloth Mama

We have all heard of the term "Tiger Mother".  Defined as a mother who is overly strict with her child in order to foster an academically competitive spirit. This form of upbringing is intended to direct a child towards financially successful careers at the potential risk of feeling emotionally unfulfilled and/or socially inept.  Based off of this definition, I am going to have to nickname myself a Sloth Mama. 

Tiger Mothers probably wake up in a pool of sweat screaming after having nightmares about becoming the kind of mother I am.  Starting with overly strict...now I guarantee that my teenager would tell you I am strict, but I am not.  I once got into a debate online with a woman who said that allowing your children to dye their hair and wear Victoria's Secret would for sure result in a teenage pregnancy.  My teenager's hair is currently at probably 7 different shades thanks to a trip to the local cosmetology school for some highlights.  I look at it like I'd rather have her experiment with hair color than other things like drugs and sex.  Now I have yet to say yes to any piercings other than ear lobes, but I am still not feeling worthy of a Tiger roar. 

There are "daily" chores assigned to every member of the family, but I put blinders on to lazy days where we all slack at what our assigned chores are.  More often my house is in a state where I prefer to lock the door than allow visitors in, but if I died tomorrow I wouldn't want my last thought to be at least my house is clean.  We actually spend a lot of time just relaxing at home, together.  I don't set limits (i.e. two hours of television a day, no electronics after 6pm, etc).  Right now I am vegged out in the recliner, typing away at this post while my oldest has fallen asleep on the couch with her little sister snuggled against her watching cartoons.  Dishes are in the sink, the house could be picked up but we have designated Friday nights as our "lazy night".  Basically being a little slack on the chores, don't cause my claws to come out. 

In fact our schedule is pretty lax most nights.  The very thought of hauling the kids from one scheduled activity/lesson/practice to the next gives me anxiety.  M (my youngest) just finished a 5 week swimming course.  She does Girl Scouts and will soon start T-ball.  P (my oldest) does cheerleading during football season.  She has actually participated in cheerleading every since she was 7 years old.  They both have dabbled in gymnastics, soccer, dance.  If they get into an activity they find themselves really not enjoying, I don't force them to continue with it.  I don't want them to fear trying something new out of fear they will hate it and be stuck doing it.  If I had a job I hated, I wouldn't stick with it just because I accepted the position.  I doubt Tigers actually do too much they hate either. 

Academically, both girls are average students.  They both have their areas they struggle in and you know what?  I am okay with that.  I don't expect 99 averages on everything and accept that not everyone learns the same and excels the same.  Prepare yourself- I don't even force the idea of college.  *Gasp*  Now granted I do encourage learning skills that set them aside from others in the workforce but I recognize that not everyone needs college (and the burden of debt after school) in order to succeed.  The very concept of being a Tiger Mother is to set aside emotional concerns in order to assure financial security and success.  This to me sends a message that money = success.  That achieving money is the goal in life.  I am not okay with that message.

Money does not equal happiness or success in life.  Look at the recent suicide of L'Wren Scott, a talented and loved woman who ended her life at the very thought of not being rich.  I want the girls to be comfortable in life but I don't think that a six figure salary is the answer to it all.  I think there are many honorable careers/ life choices that do not require a degree.  I want to encourage my girls to do something they enjoy in life, to choose their own path and have a voice in who they become.  I think a strong sense of self is worth more than a fat paycheck.  Would you rather have your child known as loving, caring and kind or as successful and wealthy? 

I am not saying that I wouldn't be thrilled for the girls if they ended up filthy rich, but what I am saying is I am not willing to sacrifice my children's emotional needs in the hopes that they will be a CEO.  When you teach your child to repress emotions and social needs, you are robbing them of compassion.  You teach them to not consider other's feelings when it can be an obstacle to financial gain.  This is a dangerous, slippery slope to send them down on their way into adulthood.  I once had the opportunity to review a book written by a psychologist in regards to psychopathy.  Some of his colleagues theorize that psychopathy is part of evolution.  While I can see how the lack of emotion would be beneficial to survival of the fittest, this theory scares the heck out of me.  Can you imagine the kind of world we will exist in when greed trumps emotion?  I sure hope I am not around to see it.  Or my kids for that matter.

Tiger Moms don't just repress their children emotionally but socially as well.  They do not acknowledge the importance of peers.  Both of making friends and losing friends.  Just recently my youngest expressed sadness at the realization that one of her treasured friendships was becoming a distant one.  This is part of growing up, we have all been there.  Friends that we once considered to be our closest friend become acquaintances.  It is a painful process to come to terms with but just as important to social development as making friends is.  When we don't learn what it is like to make friends, it creates a lonely existence.  When we don't learn what it is like to lose friends, we can't cope well with loss or changes in life.  We lose the ability to adapt, to compromise and to empathize.  Social and emotional wellness are just as, if not more important than financial wellness in the balance of life. 

Since I believe in the practices of attachment parenting, I place high priority on my children's emotional needs.  I don't believe in letting a baby cry or that you can spoil a child with too much affection.  I co slept with both girls.  The activities they are involved in is for the main goal of interaction with peers in order to develop social relationships.  I strongly believe in Erik Erikson's theory on psychosocial development and changing social dynamics based on the age of a person.  By the way, Erikson lacked a Bachelor's Degree but taught at highly respected schools such as Yale and Harvard. 

Everything is open in my house.  Minds, conversations, schedules, opportunities, arms.  I am not perfect and so I do not demand perfection.  I am happy being a Sloth Mama, whose young cuddle and cling to them until they are ready let go and try the world out for themselves.  Being a Sloth Mama who shows the way of the world, how to survive but also allowing for falls, for learning.  And even when they are ready to take the world on for themselves, they can keep me in reach for when they need support.  I don't want them to become the alpha Sloth or the Queen of the Sloths, but just a contributing member of the herd.  Laid back, non-predatory, harmless. 

Plus, we are pretty dang cute.  Sloth Mamas Unite!

A Step in the Future - Saying Goodbye

Every parent knows their child will one day grow up and lead a life of their own.  Our job is to raise them and prepare them for that day.  Some day, one day, any day now....what happens when it is THAT day? 

Jacob was ten years old when I first met him.  A quiet, small framed boy with a quick smile.  Over time I have watched him grow, although I didn't realize it was happening.  I look back at a photo and see that some of the baby face has faded, that his height has increased.  When I married his father, he became my stepson and his sister my stepdaughter.  I had never been a stepmom before, nor had they ever had one.  Taking two families and blending them is difficult, far more difficult than anyone who has never walked in those shoes could imagine.  There are a lot of family internal battles that occur with everyone trying to figure out where they stand, where they belong in the new family.  New traditions, new beliefs, new opinions on how daily life should be all blended into old traditions, old beliefs, old opinions.  There were a lot of tears, arguments and emotion.  I read books, we did family counseling.  I think of it as like an object that has been forced into an existing family tree.  The tree will eventually form around the object, encompass it until the object becomes part of the tree's identity. 

Of course Disney never helps with the portrayal of the wicked Stepmother.  Although Sony Pictures tried to take the heat off Stepmoms and place it on the male with the movie The Stepfather, the stigma still applies to the stepmother.  Before I could get my cackle down pat, I feel like the time has come for both of my stepchildren to become grown adults and now they are not just my stepchildren, but my friends that I enjoy being around.  We first felt the tinge of separation with Amanda graduating.  Next came Jake's graduation.  And then the day where he sat us down and told us he was enlisting in the Navy.  I cried, but not tears that could be easily explained.  The pride I felt in that moment was unreal.  Such an important decision and I had never seen him more determined or sure of anything in his life.  Of course those tears held some fear...fear of the unknown.  Fear of changes this decision would bring to our routine as a family.  And most importantly, tears as I heard the final tearing noise of both of the stepchildren diving headfirst into adulthood. 

Over the next several months of waiting until his departure date, I thought a lot about how this would affect my husband.  Although between the two of us there are four children, this is his only son.  His hunting buddy, the boy he cheered on from the sidelines, his namesake that he rocked to sleep as a baby.  I don't think the reality of the changes coming have sunk in with him yet and I am bracing for the storm that will hit when it does.  I worried about his sisters and how they would adjust.  Amanda and him had always been close, Paige looks up to her big brother and Madison idolizes him.  Madison is too little to understand what is happening.  One of my main focuses was ideas on how to maintain their close bond during his absence.  I still can clearly see him holding Madison for the first time.  It was the style at the time for boys to have longer bangs that they could whip aside with one turn of the neck and that hair fell forward as he leaned to kiss her sweet newborn face.  It was like witnessing love at first sight.  All three of the older kids have been monumental in helping raise and shape Madison into who she is today, with one of them gone it will be a forever incomplete puzzle.  Missing a key link.  I think about his Mama, the one who carried him and birthed him.  Who changed his diapers, watched him take his first step and bandaged his boo-boos.  Knowing how I feel as a stepparent, my heart goes out to her as how she must be feeling as a Mommy. 

The hours turned into days, the days into weeks, the weeks into months.  And then it happened. The day of departure.  The day that he stands before the bus a boy and steps upon it a man.  This is the "some day", the "one day" that we think about as parents.  And I realized, all these months that I worried how it would impact everyone around me, I never stopped to think about how it would affect me.  Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthdays- no guarantee of ever being "complete" at the holidays.  Vacations, celebrations, even family dinners- always one missing.  This is that day.  This is the day that nothing will ever be the same again.  He is stretching his wings and flying away from the nest.  Sure there will be visits, but he will never be coming "home" again.  There will always be another home that he will return to.  This is not like getting an apartment in the next town over.  He is dedicating several years of his life to the U.S. Military and will be at their mercy of where he shall go and when he will do it.  Pride, fear, sadness all formed into one lump in my throat. 

We blinked.  We blinked and it passed us by.  We blinked and he became a man.  There is no rewind button, no pause button.  Only a play, which feels a whole like lot fast forward to me.  I do not know what tomorrow brings and I can only carry so much of yesterday as my memory will allow.  This life is scary, beautiful, tragic and wonderful all at once and I am standing in the middle of it's twister as we speak.  It's like living in a snow globe, where all can be calm and at rest and then one shake of the globe and everything is tossed into the air, never to land exactly how it was before. 

I guess I can take peace from that analogy as no matter how it lands, it is still just as beautiful.  Just different.  So Jacob Brian, as you embark into your future, I just want you to know how proud your wicked stepmother is of you, of who you have become.  I am excited for all the places you will go, for all the friends you will make, for the life that you will carve out for yourself.  And keep in mind, if you ever find yourself in a spot in life where you aren't happy, just shake it up.  Keep shaking until everything lands just as you envisioned it would.  Today marks the very first day of the rest of your life and wherever that takes you, just remember you have a family back home that loves you so much.

And for the rest of my readers, cherish each moment.  Don't ever let anyone tell you that you will spoil a little one by holding them, hugging them or kissing them too much.  There is no such thing as too much love, only not enough time.  Before you know it their some day, one day will arrive so don't you waste a drop of that time in between.