I have never had as passionate of a love/hate relationship as I have with Wal-Mart. I love Price Chopper, Tops, Target, K-Mart. However I loathe driving store to store. It’s exhausting. If I can get everything I need in one stop, I am there. Enter angels playing harps, saints singing and the Wal-Mart logo shining in the light at the end of the tunnel. You need socks, raisins, a picture frame and grapes? Wal-Mart. Tampons, a gift for a child’s birthday party, bread and eggs? Wal-Mart.
Now if you have a need for a strapless bra and have a cup size bigger than a D, you are shit out of luck. First of all, purchasers for Wal-Mart, let me tell you something about life. If you are rocking an “AA” cup, you probably don’t really need a strapless bra. Or a bra at all. Get some duct tape to cover up the nipples, and you are good to go. And for those women who are fortunate, and yes I said fortunate, enough to rock those A’s- don’t wish for bigger. Believe me, bigger may be better in lots of situation…..bigger bank account, bigger house, men ; ) , bigger pay raises, etc. In the boobage department less is better. So remove some of those AA bras from the shelves and stock up on some bigger bras for the ladies who need that support. Believe me when I say those tiny ta-ta ladies are shopping Victoria’s Secret.
Next, Wal-Mart hands down has the rudest people shopping there. I get cart rage maneuvering down the aisles. When we almost play bumper carts and I smile and say, “Sorry”, Bitch do not roll your eyes at me. I am carrying a couponing bag. It contains scissors. I will cut you. Okay, maybe I won’t. Maybe I just like to pretend I am street for life, a bad ass you don’t ever cross with an eye roll. But I will give you the stink eye and silently in my mind threaten to cut you with my child safety scissors!
Seriously though, what about placing your hands on a Wal-Mart shopping cart turns a majority of people into rude, miserable beings? This is not a highway, there is no one who has a right of way. When you come flying down the aisle, keep in mind the people around the corner can not see you coming so just proceed with caution. Maybe try smiling. Maybe don’t drop the “F” bomb when you are screeching at your filthy little children.
And Ladies, how the hell and who the hell pisses on a toilet seat and just leaves it there in a LADIES room?? We don’t aim, it’s just squat and release! On that note, who the hell doesn’t feel the need to flush in a public restroom?? That is NASTY! If you are that gross in public, I would hate to see your bathroom at home. I always make sure I don’t leave an evidence trail. If you have to perform the triple flush, you do it. If you have to report a clogged toilet to customer service, you act like you found it like that instead of you clogging it yourself. And if you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seatie.
If you are a cashier, I do not need to know about the raging case of diarrhea your lunch gave you. As I watch you handle each item I bought, each grocery item and you are telling me, a complete stranger, about the cramps that are wrecking havoc on your intestines.
Finally, I don’t care who you are. I don’t care if you are a shopper, an employee or the damn owner of Wal-Mart. DO NOT stand in front of the entrances/exits and smoke your chemical filled cigarettes. You have every choice to smoke, do it in your car. I should not have to walk through that cloud to leave or enter. And even more infuriating, my children should NEVER have to breathe that in. Stand off to the side, where no other people are. Be courteous.
While these are all things I LOATHE about Wal-Mart, their low prices and convenient Super store always draws me back. I just wish people would be more aware of their surroundings…you never know when a crazy Mama with child safety scissors may be lurking!
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