What is Zoloft? It's an anti-anxiety med. Why am I on it? Well sit back and let me tell you the story. Before I had my surgery one of the tests I had to take was a psych test. Easy peasy! I drove to the appointment with such arrogance and confidence, nose held in the air, pinky out as I sipped on my latte. Me, fail a psych test? Pfftt...as if. As I met the psychiatrist I gave him a quick glance over. Tall, graying hair, a bit arrogant and confident himself. We sat down to begin the appointment. I am not even sure what the first question was, but holy Niagara Falls. I was instantly crying so hard that there was gobs of snot and I am sure he didn't understand half of what I said, it was just a nightmare. Apparently my father being diagnosed with cancer the same year that my husband had unexpected open heart surgery and then a defibrillator inserted six months later took a bigger emotional toll on me than I had realized. I sobbed the entire appointment. I am not quite sure how I left the room without a straight jacket actually. At the end the doctor took a deep breath in and upon exhale said, "I think you might need an anti-anxiety prescription." I looked at him bewildered and said, "Me, really?" Except for in my hysteria induced new language, I am sure it sounded more like, "Mah? Wee-hiccup-wee?" Sniffle, gasp, sniffle. I am not quite sure where he got the idea that meds might help. I gave him the benefit of a doubt and got a script for Zoloft.
Society has placed a taboo on talking about depression, anxiety and any mental issue but my family doctor explained it so well. We all have a "faucet" in our brain that releases seratonin into a basin that holds it as it evenly drains out into our bodies to keep us "balanced". The only issue is one of the physical reactions to stress is the faucet gets "plugged" and squeezes off the flow of seratonin, so after the basin empties at a faster rate to combat the stress the body is feeling, you are running on empty and so that is when on is "unbalanced". The Zoloft helps to keep the faucet unplugged. So basically I am on Draino for the brain. I was nervous starting the Zoloft as you hear about weight gain, zombie like moods (and not the cool zombies that break out in dance offs in the middle of the street either), etc. I did have to switch from taking it at night to morning as it kept me awake if I took it at night. I did have to push through a period of "racing thoughts". It was like so many thoughts and ideas flooding my mind at once, it was a bit overwhelming and scary. It happens if I forget to take a few doses, as does standing still but feeling the entire room shift. However once my body adjusted to the medicine (a good doctor should slowly increase the level, starting at the lowest level possible) it was wonderful!
I mean, I don't skip through fields braiding together daisies to wear in my hair but at the same time I no longer envision myself climbing the walls as my tongue darts in and out as my head spins 360 Linda Blair style either. If I do skip dose or two (which happens on weekends when my routine is a bit different) I am noticably more irritable. Even my husband can tell when I have missed 2 doses. He will ask, "Did you forget your Zoloft?" which makes me want to rip his face off even though he is right. So last night after writing my blog about imperfection I realized I had missed two doses. So I took a dose and I do feel better today. Like when my husband tried to take the play kitchen upstairs and we realized it doesn't fit up our stairs, I did not freak out. I simply said we would have to keep it downstairs for Madison to play with. When going through my digital camara and noticed that Madison had taken pictures of me getting ready to get into the shower, naked, I did not lock her in the basement. I actually kind of giggled as I erased them and thanked God for no longer needing to toss out the entire roll of film due to a few nudie pics. When getting out of the shower today and I realized I never grabbed towels so I dripped across the floor and grabbed some towels. As I was wrapping my hair I realized I forgot to wash out the conditioner. Silly me. Tee hee.
So while I am not likely to be singing Kumbaya around a campfire with braided daisies in my hair as long as I have my Zoloft I doubt I will eat another human's face off. Although I may be known to break out in random zombie dances to Thriller but that is something I can live with all thanks to modern medicine.
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