My life is filled with such chaos and constant on the go that it is so nice to end the week and start the weekend with a few hours of silence. No plans, no agendas....just a few hours to do whatever it is I desire. Granted, the mother in me tells me not so quietly that I should attend these games but it is the only chance I ever get to be alone. I think far too often people forget just how important a few hours of alone time truly is. From the time I wake up I am constantly surrounded by people who need my assistance. From waking the kids up to getting their breakfast, taking them to school, working 8 hours in an office where I constantly am assisting coworkers or customers on the phone to getting home, cooking dinner, getting everything ready for the next day so yes, I NEED these two hours.
I love to just be my own company. In the past year, I really feel as if I have learned to start loving myself. I had Lap Band surgery July 2011. I think my intentions were not clear. I had visions of me going out with my friends, dancing like back when I was in my mid twenties. I thought of all the cute clothes I could wear. Feeling attractive again. I have lost a significant amount of weight, but not anywhere where I had envisioned. With the Lap Band, you can eat sweets. With gastric, sweets are hell on your system. So I started considering getting a revision to gastric.
I thought about it quite often. Just the other day, I was online and just happened to come across a web page where a girl was talking about her life. How one day she was a twenty something carefree girl to an overnight guardian of her sister, burdened with bills and responsibility. How? Her mother passed from complications of gastric bypass.
At that moment, I had a major epiphany. I completely dismissed the gastric idea, reflecting back on the very reason I opted against it before. The risks are considerably higher than Lap Band. I have so much more to live for than a small waist and perfect body. Will I stop exercising and trying to eat right? Absolutely not. I LOVE to run and to work out and how I feel after. Am I ever going to be a size 2, a size 4 or even a size 6? Probably not, and I think I am finally okay with that. I am so much more than this physical body. I have a husband who is faithful, hard working and accepts me for who I am. I have given birth to two healthy, beautiful baby girls who bring me more joy in this world than any other being on this Earth. I have a great job that I am successful in. I have amazing friends, people who just restore my faith in humanity everyday. I try to surround myself with positive, happy people who inspire me, encourage me, educate me and love me for me. I truly succeed at anything I attempt. I am able bodied, of sound mind (most times) and live a respectable, good life. I have naturally curly hair that can be as wild as my dreams and hopes. I have pretty blue eyes with nice long lashes. My teeth are crooked in the front, but at least I have them all! I admit, I have a brilliant brain that is capable of quickly picking up on new tasks and comprehending most that is presented to it, although the whole Higgs Boson thing completely leave me dumb founded. I love to laugh and love to give. I may have thighs that touch and bat wings that flap when I wave my arms but if someone dislikes me due to that, then I don't want them in my life anyways.
Let's be honest, I did go out after my weight loss and discovered I hate the bar scene now. I don't really like to drink anymore and it's a boring scene. I am so much happier at home with my family, with my friends. I'd rather run a 5k or work on cheerleading routines or coupon or write a blog than spend a night blowing my money in a bar and spending the next 48 hours trying to recover. It's just not me anymore. And even a smaller size, I still opt for comfortable clothes over attractive clothes. I love yoga pants and sneakers and throw up at the thought of skinny jeans and heels. I am much more comfortable in my own skin, would ideally love to drop another 20 pounds but if I never lost a pound I think I still could be happy in life. My thirties really have become about finding myself and loving myself.
Too often we focus on what is wrong, rather than what is right. If you are reading this, take a moment when done to really think about what is awesome about yourself. Don't be humble. Get on Facebook and announce to the world what you love about you. About your life. Learn to accept who you are, what you are and what you look like. Surround yourself with people who know how great you are and who you think are just as great. Do not let anyone bring you down. Find friends who you can talk to about your imperfections and laugh about what age does to you. It's always comforting to know you are not the only one with boobs traveling south.
I love to hear when people say they really connect with what I say. It truly reinforces why I blog. I want people to know they are normal, wonderful and sane. I want people to know they are never alone in this world and that life may not be easy but you must learn to laugh at the hardships. I know you like the funny blogs, but it is just as important to read the motivational blogs as well. You are beautiful and wonderful and unique. Celebrate that.
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