That is the question...

You know it's a damn good workout when you are searching for the room for that horrible smell and you suddenly realize that smell is you.  I admit, it was a mixture of disgust and accomplishment that flooded me at that moment.  That's hot.

I fell off the exercise wagon.  I took on too much, like I do far too often and of course, I became the last priority.  Unfortunatly during that exercise hiatus I started suspecting that a recurring medical issue I have was rearing its ugly head.  Since age 16 I have suffered from nasal polyps that have to be surgically removed from my sinus and nasal cavity.  It has robbed me of my sense of smell, dulled my taste buds and frustrates me to no end as there is no cure. 

A nasal polyp is basically a benign tumor.  I usually don't realize it has returned until it has grown to a size that creates difficult side effects like nasal drip, pain in my upper gums, a constant sound of stuffiness, difficulty breathing through my nose, snoring, sleep apnea and migraines.  Two surgeries ago the doctor said it was the size of a baseball and the last polyp was even larger than that. 

So I am trying to get back on the exercise wagon, but the polyp is making it quite difficult to get back to where I was.  I struggle with two miles due to breathing when I just ran a 10k in August.  I get very angry at times that this is happening again, but I have to calm myself down because the anger will do no good or make no difference.

I did do some research and the one term that keeps recurring in my nasal polyp research is cystic fibrosis.  When I was pregnant for Madison my genetic testing was positive for cystic fibrosis and Brian had to be tested to be sure he didn't carry the genes.  I am now wondering if I have a very mild case of cystic fibrosis.  It would make so much sense with issues I have had my entire life.  Lots of people with mild cases are not diagnosed until adulthood. 

 

More than anything it is beyond frustrating to have no control over your body.  I want to run 3, 4 miles and I can't get the oxygen flow I need.  I want to roll over in bed without feeling the polyp shift in my sinus cavity.  I don't ever want to have another surgery again.  I don't want to live in constant fear of it coming back and causing this discomfort.  I go to the surgeon's on the 22nd and I wish they could do the surgery on the 23rd.  I really don't know how I would handle it if I was told I could no longer run.  I know one day my body will fail me and that is very humbling and hard to think about.  I just think at age 32 I'm too young to be physically limited.  I close this blog with a question.  Would you rather be of sound mind and lose control physically or be physically able but lose your mind?