1. Expected company has arrived. This is the rarest type of knock. This means you have been lingering in the room near the door awaiting the sound of the knock. You will open the door and the smell of freshly baked goods will surround the guests as you welcome them into your clean as can be home. Despite spending hours slaving over cleaning the house, screaming at the kids as they attempt to mess up your masterpiece of a home, you toss your perfectly styled hair over your shoulder, smile, bat your eyes and ask your guests to excuse the mess in your home, knowing damn well that it's not a mess at all...it's in the rare form of clean. Your makeup is complete, your socks match and you are wearing a bra.
2. Unexpected company has arrived. This is the most common type of knock. This knock guarantees that you have no bra on, your home is in conditions that the health department would condemn it, you child is naked and instantly sprints to greet the person at the door. Another good way to guarantee this kind of knock is if you are running late to someplace and trying to get out the door. How does one nicely say, "Get the hell out."? This is also the time the dog is most likely to drag a used tampon out of the trash and into the living area.
3. Unexpected strangers have arrived. Jehovah Witnesses, Sales People and people you don't know looking for your spouse all fall under this category. All of the conditions for Unexpected Known company except for you have a slightly higher chance of also being pantless in this situation. Naked child running to the front door also is more likely to occur. You will be completely ticked that they made you peel yourself off the couch and wrap your blanket around your nearly naked waist to see what they want. 99% of the time that I peer out the window and don't recognize the vehicle I don't bother getting off the couch...I just hiss at the kids to stay low and wait for the knocking to stop.
4. Friends and Family who you are comfortable with stop by. At which time you don't care what the house looks like or if anyone is dressed at that point. Bras are optional.
If you ever want to prevent #2 and #3 just clean your house. Be fully dressed. Do your makeup and hair. It is 100% effective at hindering any unexpected company.
I definitely remember as a kid seeing a vehicle pull in the driveway and mass chaos breaking out. You had like 5 minutes and 14 seconds to get the house presentable. Mom took the dirty dishes and threw them into the oven, dishwasher, bathtub, whatever was necessary. Dad took to picking up dirty laundry strewn about paying special attention to bras and underwear. I took toy duty, sprinting throughout main rooms and picking up stray toys and chucking them into back bedrooms. My sister had door shutting duty, closing all doors of rooms that company would least likely enter. My brother had to dress his naked self. The dog chewed on a used tampon. Sometimes we would practice unexpected company drills and time ourselves to make sure we were on point. Now I look back and realize that Mom was just getting us to clean up a bit. Definitely helped strengthen our family bond. I know it scarred me to a point that I hate being unexpected company. Unless I know the person and fall under a Category 4. My whole point is give me a days notice before dropping in. Otherwise you are walking into a war zone. This blogging, penny pinching, couponing, exercising, cooking, Pinteresting Mama/Wife does not have daily time to dedicate to housework. And afte the passing of a wonderful friend who preferred to live life over cleaning house and I bet she doesn't spend a second in the afterlife regretting that I don't second guess myself much anymore either.
On another note, I received a coupon in the mail today. $50 off a $100 purchase. Wow, that would get a huge chunk of my Christmas shopping done at 50% discounts! Thennn I read the fine print. Excludes Bonus Buys, Door Busters, electronics/Tech Trek, fine jewelry, fine and fashion watches, fragrance & cosmetics, cause-related merchandise and other charitable items, furniture departments and mattresses, clearance center merchandise, gift cards, Incredible Values, salon products, service departments, special orders, Yellow Dot merchandise, small electrics, health & wellness, toys, food, coffee, candy, Brahmin, Coach, Columbia, Frye, Levi's, Michael Kors, Not Your Daughter's Jeans, Tempur-Pedic, and regular price items from Dooney & Bourke, Dansko, Ecco, Birkenstock, Merrell, Designer Shoe Salon, Lucky Brand, Polo, Lauren Ralph Lauren and Wacoal.
Okay, okay...wouldn't it just be easier to tell me the three items that it can be used on? Seriously, I can't stand a bunch of stipulations in coupons. Or free shipping deals where you have to spend at least $100.00 to get the free shipping. I always end up finding $94.55 worth of merchandise. That's not a deal, that should be a given if people spend that much at your store. Especially not taking on my second job, this year I am looking to be as savvy as possible with Christmas. There are some deals that really aren't deals.
I try not to let those minor shopping irritations get to me. I know that in just a matter of time there will always something great knocking at my door ; )
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