So first of all I grabbed a towel and walked out back in just my underwear, sports bra and tshirt. I heard commotion next door and could see the outline of my neighbors in the dark so I ran back in the house. Like that didn't already draw attention. I told myself I was being silly. I mean underwear covers the same areas that a bathing suit bottom does. Plus it was pretty dark. So I wrapped the towel around me and snuck outdoors. I quietly climbed the ladder and as I slipped in the pool I pulled off my tshirt and threw it to the ground.
It was so nice. The cool water swallowing my body in the middle of a velvety black night. So relaxing. Relaxing until my husband came out the back door to find out where I was. He flipped on the back porch light, which I was okay with. For some reason he has a flood light on our back porch. He turned that on and of course it shines right into the pool. Holy crap, Brian, where the hell did you buy that thing? Helicopter Search & Rescue Supplies R Us?
In the midst of trying to recover from temporary blindness, I didn't notice he had went back inside the house and left the freakin flood light on. So here I am in the pool, in only my sports bra and underwear, with the neighbors outside next door. WITH A FREAKING SPOTLIGHT ON ME. Trapped. I attempted taking a few of Madison's Littlest Pet Shop figurines floating in the pool and throwing them at Paige's window to try to get her attention. I suck at pitching. Finally I just had to swallow my pride, quickly exit the pool and run for the saftey of the house. Lesson learned? There is no such thing as relaxing when you are a wife/mother...
Move over, Janet Jackson, I have earned the right to Queen of Wardrobe Malfunctions. LIke the one day that I was rocking black gaucho capris at work. It was about 2 or 3pm in the afternoon when I felt the urge to pee. So I went to the bathroom, had a seat and started my business. I happened to glance down at the crotch of my pants...or perhaps I should say the lack of the crotch of my pants. A HUGE HOLE...the entire crotch missing. All day long. It was probably a hole the size of a watermelon. I wanted the toilet to swallow me right then and there. They had been on the floor of my bedroom and I had been in a hurry so threw them on that morning. My dog must have chewed the crotch out while they were on the floor! I was laughing so hard when I came out of the bathroom I was sobbing. Lesson learned? Never get dressed in the dark, especially with clothes off the floor...
Or the time I had just woke up and was on a cleaning frenzy. I had just thrown on a shorter nightshirt, no bra, no underwear and was a cleaning machine. I bent over to pick up some of Madison's toys when I heard a knock at the door (a guy Brian knows). Does anyone want to guess what was facing the door? Lesson learned? Never let the full moon rise in the direction of a door or window....
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